Is this consider a promise?

Today, I met Faliq, my classmate back in Matric. We just talked for a while since I got so many things to sttle down regarding to my study. Most of my classmate in Matric got a better offer compared to me. What to do? Padan muka aku la main banyak!

After that, my sis picked me up to a clinic to do medical check up and x-ray. Everything is normal just my weight is 46kg. I gain weight again. Maybe that is why Iqi keeps calling me Mok. I know I know I'm fat. My height is 153.5 cm! I'm taller 0.5cm than when I was 17. Cool~

When I reached home, I rushed to my room to find all the documents needed for the registration. However I found my old album that reminds me of my childhood life.I loved to live with my late grandparents until I was 8, then only I moved with my real parents and starting to love them like how I used to love my grandparents.

I still remember when I was about 9, my mom bought me a big eraser which I liked very much and didn’t want to use it because it was then too nice to be used. Then one day my eldest sis was having tuition at the study, I went into the room to get something and was shocked to see her using THAT precious eraser that I myself didn’t even have the heart to use it first. I yelled immediately and cried, shouted at her, my mind gone wild, I was so angry. My mom and maid had to pull me out of the room and I then lied on the bed in the guestroom, cried myself to sleep. Not to mention, mad at my sis for the rest of the day.

Childish I was, isn’t it?

Now, 10 years later, I didn’t find myself wiser and more matured in handling things like this. When I don’t get something that I want so much, I fuss over it and release my temper like it’s nobody’s business. I scratch myself, scold people around, being so emo just because of small little things that I didn’t get just now. Problem is, after sometime, that thing, doesn’t matter that much to me anymore. Why am I still whining over small little things? I just couldn’t take it when things don’t happen my way.

19. I am still immature.

Matriculation life. Is the worst memory in my life. Yes I am admitting it. I wasted my time over things that are unimportant and artificial, and got stupid grades that destroyed my life. That period of time, I find myself lost and so unmotivated. And shockingly lazy. Even when I’m younger, I knew what I had to do. Yes I online like 5 hours every Friday and Saturday night, I don’t do my homework, but when it’s time to study, I do it.I don’t even want to talk about it.

Now, I feel so low self-esteem whenever I came across people who aced in their studies and know how to enjoy their lives. I used to be like that. Why am I not? I am just not the same anymore. Not the one that is good at studies.

Now. I find myself procrastinating. I find myself wasting time, again. I am scared. I don’t want to fail again.

I promise myself, I'm gonna work really hard to succeed. But I still want to play a lot. How?