i start to feel like i cant maintain the facade any longer, that i may just start to show through. And i wish i knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... i don’t know the answer, i know only that i can’t. i dont want any more vicissitudes, i don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. i just want out. I’ve had it. i am so tired. i'm going twenty and i am already exhausted.